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AUGHHHHHH!!

by on July 13, 2008

Emmett’s been exerting his independence these days. He’s learned to shake his head “NO.” So this results in the messiest meal times ever as he insists upon feeding himself these days. He’ll take a few bites, but then decide that he’d rather NOT be spoon-fed. We’ve decided to go with the flow on this one. He’s been eating broccoli, carrots, avocado, and mango. I think we’re going to give up on the rice. It gets EVERYWHERE, and he’s not all that into it every single time. But this has had unprecipitated consequences. Emmett has been refusing to go in the toilet. Therefore, nearly every meal he takes in his seat results in a wet diaper, and worse yet, a poopy one. Now, we’ve been taking most of this in stride, but I think today was pushing us towards the last straw. So, I got my small child on the changing table, and I can smell his latest production, and he’s grinning and giggling (cuz he don’t know what’s good for him.) and I open his diaper while he’s standing b/c he’s a nutcase and can’t be persuaded to lie down. Not to mention that he’s covered with specks of broccoli, rice, chicken. So here’s this disgustingly happy dirty little baby standing in his birthday suit and us poor parents unaware of the ensuing possibility for even MORE dirty happiness that is about to happen. So I pick up this poopy butt of a child, and we’re trying to clean him up so he doesn’t sit in poopy bathwater. Makes sense, non? Of course it does. Marvelous sense. I can’t clean his bottom off in the sink, so I tell my partner in crime, “I think we’re going to need some toilet paper to wipe some of this off.” So I hoist his little legs up and out so we can get it all. And what does my darling baby decide to do? He decides that he wants to help, so he reaches down and grabs a handful of poopy goodness and mashes about his fist. And what do I do? What every level-headed person holding a poopy baby does, of course. I shriek, “OHNO,MR.NATHAN.LOOKLOOK.OMG.EWWGROSS. NATHAN!!!OHNO.OHNO.OHNO. QUICK!DOSOMETHING!!OMG.HE’SGOINGTOPUTITINHISMOUTH.IKNOWIT.AUGHAUGHAUGH.HELP!!!”

And of course, my equally level-headed husband is keeling over in hysterical laughter at this sight of his genius son holding a handful of his poop.

D.I.S.A.S.T.E.R.

We’re not having another one any time soon.

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7 Comments
  1. gnowetan permalink

    She left out the part where she screamed (while holding a poo covered little boy, mashing said poo in his hands), “I’M NEVER HAVING ANOTHER CHILD EVER AGAIN!” I wouldn’t take it too seriously, though. Though disgusting, he is quite cute and a lot of fun. Now if we can just manage to get him to NOT STICK HIS HANDS IN POO we’ll be fine.

  2. I think everyone has a poo disaster story. This is a good one!

    Emmett, be good! Listen to Mommy and Daddy, OK?

    Good boy!

    Hang in there!

  3. ron permalink

    Our favorite one is the Minado adventure w/Jeremy. All over the inside of his sleeper! Every nook and cranny you can think of (save his face and hands).

    BTW – We were reading this while consuming chocolate pudding!

  4. Hannah permalink

    HAHAHAHAHAHA

    sorry i missed that one!! lol

  5. hhahaahah

  6. mrschoy permalink

    oh the blessed joys of motherhood! advice, if though not asked for, make him lay down and tell him he has to stay down and not twist around while you’re changing his diaper; a firm and steady hand on his torsel and a firm NO NO moving will be helpful! btw, Japanese rice is easier to clean 🙂 — I can picture the whole episode!

  7. Uncle Jeremy rules permalink

    HAHAHAHAAAAHAHAHA
    the chubster takes after his uncle, what can you say. excellent.

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